The Colorado Chipmunk

Sent October 31, 1988.
Postcard bought in Boulder, CO



My text:
During the settlement of the West, hunters such as Chipmunk Chad Cody nearly drove this prized species to extinction. Their remarkable comeback has caused some alarm as they threaten to overrun some areas, causing havoc and carrying off small steers, often called "steeroids."

The Triplemint Triplets

Postcard from somewhere in Northern California
Sent April 7, 1990



My message: A publicity photo for an aborted chewing gum flavor "Doublemint Gold." The Doublemint Twins pictured were actually triplets but the sibling pictured in the background was not credited as he was fraternal, and not identical.

The Entrance Ramp to Nowhere

Originally sent December 18, 1990
Postcard from Chattanooga, TN


My message: A novel attraction in East Tennessee, this entrance ramp was opened to tourists after engineers discovered, curiously enough, that it didn't lead to any road.

The Pan-Iowa Mall & Feed Store

Sent September 9, 1988
Postcard from Champaign, IL

My message: The selected location for the proposed Pan-Iowa Mall and Feed Store. After rigorous research, the developers picked this site for its proximity to modern transportation facilities, the absence of local environmental resistance, and, of course, cost. Plans are under development to import customers from all over the north-east-central-southern Iowa region.

The beneficial effects of radiation

Sent September 1, 1988
Postcard from Omaha, NE


My message: Evidence of the beneficial effects of nuclear power plant emissions was discovered near a Nebraska plant. Anticipated uses include an end to world hunger, breast enlargement, and increasing the brain mass of Democratic candidates. The photographer escaped just before those pictured were eaten by a large groundhog.

The Lemming & Tapir Pub

Sent April 10, 1990
Postcard from London


My message: Actually, London was clear and bright on the day this photo was taken. The photo, a blurred shot of the pavement outside the "Lemming and Tapir Pub", was taken as the photographer fell after what turned out to be too many pints.

Drive, fly, swim.

Sent October 2, 1989
Postcard of the 17 Mile Drive past the Pebble Beach Golf Club in Monterey, CA.


My message: Culminating in the 63 foot drop and the 8 fathom sink.

Manifest Destiny Forgotten

Sent September 21, 1988
The postcard came from Pineville, NC


My message: Kennedy got a space flight center, Johnson got a library, Ford and Lincoln each got cars, Washington and Cleveland cities, Monroe a doctrine, Hoover a vacuum, Adams an apple, Garfield a cat, Carter a pill, and Nixon didn't go to jail. Polk gets a cow and a shack. Doesn't anyone remember and respect Manifest Destiny?

An Uncommon Loon

Sent September 19, 1988
Postcard from Manitowoc, WI


My message: This selection raises the question, if the Common Loon can walk on water, what must the Uncommon Loon be able to do? I mean, it took mankind's greatest religious figure to do this. We're talking about a feat! Maybe it's the loon's feet, a true feet feat. The Uncommon Loon must be able to not only part the Red Sea, but mousse and spike it as well.

Translating from Finnish

Sent October 12, 1990
The card is from Turku, Finland
A caption on the front read "Heinänuhan aikkan."


My message: Roughly translated, "Heinänuhan aikkan" means "I think I found the needle. Oops, sorry."

The Cranberry Harvest

Sent September 15, 1989
The card is from Cape Cod, MA


My message: When the toilet backed up, Cecil and the girls knew they had overdone the "Pigs-in-a-blanket" the night before.